It’s 2026 in case you didn’t get the memo. We are no longer in the age of…well a lot of things. Women now have more choices. We can work or stay home or raise a family or choose not to have kids or bravely fight for our country…we can do just about anything. The things we were once told we couldn’t. Or shouldn’t.
So, why in the world would you still think it is okay to be a mean girl in today’s society? Aren’t we trying to build our lives into something many generations of women never even dreamed of? Big things that important people like our mothers, aunts, friends, teachers, and grandmothers never had the chance to do?
If my Granny were here now, seeing all the things women can accomplish (and the world being supportive of it) she would say, “Why in the HELL do these idiotic mean girls still exist? I guess you gals haven’t figured out to recognize that morons are mean because they are insecure. They see something in you that they wish they had.”
And she would be right. We supposedly live in a culture of “building one another” up and “cheering for each other” but I don’t always see that happening. I will just say it because it was true when I was a teenager, and it stands true now as an adult—if you are a mean girl, you are UGLY. Plain and simple. No amount of makeup and big hair and nice clothes and an “ideal” body can conceal the fact that you are mean and ugly.
There, I said it. And you know whose fault that is? Not mine, not society’s, not your ex-whatever, not your parents—it is how you choose to treat people, plain and simple. It is your own fault.
You can choose kind words or you can be quiet. Nothing wrong with either of those very feasible options.
I have bent over backwards and gone out of my way to try to make conversation with people because I just want them to like me. Or to just be nice to my child or whatever. And why? Because I guess I assumed I was doing something wrong. That there must be something wrong with me. They didn’t like me. Or the way I talked. Or looked. Or whatever.
I did not understand mean girl culture at 15, and I sure as hell don’t understand it at 46. When you are a teenager, I guess your brain and hormones can be a little at fault. Trying to please parents and teachers and friends and just balance it all while figuring out life.
Just to pause on that a moment. If you think back to someone who treated you badly way back in days of school….does it still bother you? As an adult, of course, it shouldn’t matter, right? I am human, so I assume you are, too. We all remember a jab or an insult that stuck with us. I am not saying it rules our lives or anything silly like that…we may even laugh about it now. But some of those things live somewhere in our distant memory bank.
I remember my bullies. I only mention this because I have full confidence I don’t cross their mind, and that’s great. But it’s not how they made me feel that I remember, it is how, now, looking back, I can recognize what insecure assholes they all were. And probably still are. That’s growth, people!
And here’s the thing…I had a crap childhood. Absolute nightmare. I was poor. I borrowed my “rich” friend’s clothes. I bummed rides. I went home to a scary place every night. You know what else I did? I was kind to people.
I was captain of the dance team. I graduated in the top of my class. I was President of the Student Council. I was on homecoming court every year. I was friends with everyone. And I had a homelife that was a living nightmare. I would come home and find that my parents locked me out for no apparent reason. I would have to find a place to stay (no, no I had no car or phone). If school needed $25 for a lab fee or whatever…my parents were clearly not “a bank” so I worked to earn that money. To pay a required fee to finish high school. Those are the smallest injustices I served at the hands of my parents. I don’t care to go into the big ones.
I am not telling you this to get a bunch of pity and sad glances and shit…I am saying it because guess how many people would say I bullied them at that time in my life? That this young, pretty girl who was nominated for almost everything, dressed nicely (in borrowed clothes), who sometimes showered at friend’s houses because she had no water at home, and pretty much lived a double life—that of a suspense/horror/drama at home, with school being the place where “normalcy” could be found…how many people would say I was anything but nice to them during that time in my life?
I bet you can’t find a single person who would say a bad word about me. I could be wrong, and perhaps, I have forgotten something along the way. But I was overly nice at school because no one was nice to me outside of school, and I knew how that felt. So, I overcompensated by people pleasing anywhere and at every opportunity.
Flash forward to adult Lindsey. I was a drunken moron for years. Absolutely. I don’t downplay that or make excuses. I can’t count the mistakes I made and the people I hurt. I was probably mean to people. I was withdrawn. I was easily offended. I DID NOT LIKE MYSELF. And there you have it. The main reason mean girls (women) still exist is that simple. They DO NOT LIKE something about themself.
Mean women raise mean girls. Stop it already. Figure out your insecurities and work on them. I would much rather someone say, “I really wish I could lose 15 pounds…” instead of making fun of another mom because her shorts are too short or she says weird things or whatever.
Suggestion to all you Mean Girls (who are actually Mean Moms or hell, even Mean Grandmas by now!) You do you. Work on you, girl. I encourage you to put on them big gal pants and examine why you are so dang mean and bitter? Is it really everyone else, or do you need to just work on yourself a little? I cannot speak for anyone else, but I would much rather you recognize some of your insecurities and make a good faith effort to work on them. We really can all feel good about ourselves (inside and out) but passing on meanness from one generation to the next just means you are really clueless about what is important in life.
If this makes you angry, then it is probably directed at you. I am not sorry. I have probably already apologized to you too many times for things that weren’t even my fault just to keep some kind of peace. So, no, I am not sorry if you are mean and this all stings a little.
I am no saint. Not even close. I do try to smile and be pleasant and stay out of people’s business. I have a past. So do you. All that matters is that we all learn to be a little kinder and teach others to do the same through our own actions.
If you are hell bent on being mean and ugly (remember the two coexist, can’t have one without the other) …Leave the rest of us alone. I cannot, for the life of me, believe grown women still whisper in front of one another. Or give one another the old side eye. We don’t have to like one another or even talk–just be nice or be quiet. Seriously. Stop acting like teenagers.
And remember, those are the teenagers that we are now raising.
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