Last.Damn.Call

I was hesitant to even try to begin to write this. But it’s been bothering me, and it helps me work through things if I write about them. That’s one of my many tools I have learned in recovery.

First of all, to anyone who has gotten sober or given up whatever addiction once ruled their life—congrats!!! Seriously. Too many people never find a way to truly abstain from whatever is slowly killing them. And I honestly don’t care how you did it. And I mean that in a loving way–I don’t care as in…what works for one doesn’t work for all. You do you.

Okay. Secondly, calling AA a cult. We are all entitled to our own opinions, right? So, let’s be adults and keep it at that. I do not think any differently of people who try AA and don’t return. Same with Celebrate Recovery. Same with NA. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. Having said that…there are certain AA meetings I don’t care for. So, you know what I do? I don’t go to those meetings. Same as when I was drinking…everyone is not for me and vice versa. I have meetings I really enjoy, and ones I haven’t been back to because someone rubbed me wrong or whatever. Honestly, that’s probably the way I interpreted something. Regardless, I am an adult. I can simply brush it off and attend the meetings where I feel more comfortable. Again, we are all adults, right?

People quit going to church because they are full of hypocrites or seem to be money hungry or don’t say things the way we think they should…again, you have free will, people. Don’t go back. For me, I have a church I enjoy. I don’t expect anyone to act perfectly, but I also don’t expect anyone to condone me for my past. And they haven’t. If they have, it is behind my back, and guess what? I am not an insecure junior high girl anymore. Let them. Church is about my relationship with God first and foremost. I really try to treat people with kindness, and the ones that don’t share that same attitude…well, again, I am an adult. I don’t have to put effort into making anyone like me and vice versa. That isn’t the point of my faith. You determine what your goals are as a person of faith or an agnostic or an atheist or whatever you choose. Free will, people.

As for celebrities…sigh. We put so much wasted effort into watching and learning and judging. I am guilty of this as well. Was I a little disappointed with the whole “Brad Pitt can now drink like a normal person” headline? A little. But let me explain. Not because I think he is above or better than anyone else. Not because I don’t think he is human. But because we, as humans, hold people in the public eye to some other standard. I am not simple minded enough to think, “Oh. Brad Pitt can return to drinking in a responsible manner. I guess I can, too.” I am an alcoholic. A recovering one, but nonetheless. But you know what…people aren’t all made equally. As an alcoholic, I looked for every excuse to continue drinking. I cannot be the only one that was (or is) this way. So, someone in early recovery or someone who has gotten very comfortable in their sobriety might start to question if they can do the same.

I am not suggesting anyone who lets that thought creep into their mind is stupid BY ANY MEANS. We are humans doing the best we can with what we know to be true for us. And only us.

What I am saying is that I know I can be a weak human. My bet is there are a lot of people going through a lot of things…and then at a very vulnerable moment, “news” like this pops up in social media or their news feed or whatever. It doesn’t mean you are weak. It doesn’t mean you haven’t worked hard to stay sober. But opportunities arise (call it coincidence or fate or temptation or whatever) that test your sobriety. It happens all the time. It does to me, and I am sure it does to others.

Some may think I am crazy and part of a cult and a church nut and all that jazz. I know that I am sober. I know that me getting sober was not easy. I know that I do attend AA meetings. I don’t judge those who don’t. I know I believe in a loving God and am part of a church family who has never made me feel like an outcast. I don’t judge those who don’t belong to a church or worship God (or any higher power). You do whatever works for you. I wish we lived in a society that didn’t pay close attention to what those in the public eye do or don’t do. Not everyone does. Obviously, I do take notice. It doesn’t mean I agree or am any less or more intelligent than the next person.

I think it is dangerous to shame people for attending certain groups–whether that be support groups, AA or NA. That may be the one thing keeping them from taking a drink or using. Maybe that makes them weak. Maybe it’s none of anyone’s business what keeps them sober. If it helps keep someone’s mother, brother, sister, father, daughter, son, friend, whatever…if it helps them stay sober…why would you shame that? You do you. Let them do what works for them. We are all adults with free will.

I also think it is a little irresponsible to be in the public eye and tell the world that it is possible to become a responsible drinker after you have gone through so much to stay sober. I am happy for anyone who can achieve this. I know I cannot. I know a lot of other people who cannot return to drinking. If you can and you do and it works out, zero judgement. I just think we need to be careful about the narratives we put out there and who/what we put our faith into as far as recovery goes.

That’s my take. I may be way off base. I know I am sober today. And I have been for almost 2 years. I fought like hell to get here. And my family is in a good place. And I know I cannot ever risk that…not for any reason. I cannot afford to take that chance. And I know lots of others who can’t risk that, either.

Take care of you and yours:) Choose words wisely. Someone is always listening and maybe even taking to heart what you are putting out there. Just be careful and do what you need to do to protect your peace and what is important to you.