This is my Celebrate Recovery (CR) testimony given on 10/29/2026 *This was written in a format to be spoken in front of an audience*
I looked up the “CR standard structure” on presenting and found that I am supposed to say something along the lines of “I am a person of faith who is in recovery and struggles with….and in cute little brackets it said, “limit to 1-2 issues or struggles.” And I thought, only 2? I have to narrow my struggles down and pick two?
CR, in my understanding, exists to help those with problems related to addiction, trauma, abuse, mental and emotional struggles, behavioral patterns with negative consequences, control issues, adult children of dysfunctional families, those with anxiety or depression, and people with anger issues…and I thought, well, I can check all those boxes.
Finally, something I have excelled in.
Seriously though, I am a grateful, faithful, recovering alcoholic. Amongst other things.
But first and foremost, I am a child of God.
I have told my story in various places for different reasons. And I understand we have people here from all kinds of backgrounds—not necessarily addiction…but there was a common ground I decided to talk about tonight and it involves F words. Faith and Fear.
Pastor Jacob was probably seriously reconsidering my invitation when I threw the idea of using the F word his way.
In all seriousness though, faith and fear have been what my entire time on this earth has boiled down to.
Little background info on me: I grew up in an abusive home with alcoholic parents. My mother succumbed to this disease just before I turned 18. My dad would go on for several years before alcohol sealed his fate as well. My sister and I held onto each other for many years following that, and then she too, passed at the age of 47 due to alcoholism.
To make a very long story short, I too, became an alcoholic. Along with my husband. We have now been married for 21 years…the last 2 years have been the best…both having surrendered and been given the gift of sobriety.
So, in thinking about what to talk about tonight, I wanted to focus less on the ugly parts of my addiction, and more on what I have learned along the way.
Faith and Fear.
Both faith and fear depend on you believing in something you cannot see.
Hebrews 11:1 tells me that I am to have confidence in what I hope for and assurance about what I cannot see.
Both faith and fear are responses to uncertainty. God doesn’t ask us to pretend we aren’t afraid. Instead, we are invited to respond to fear with faith.
Fear imprisons. Faith liberates.
My addiction was like living in a self-made prison. It really felt that way. I had no control. It’s the only disease that you really have to apologize for having. And along with that comes shame and self-loathing.
I isolated myself. I was embarrassed. I was full of shame and guilt not for WHO I had become but WHAT I felt I had turned into. A useless alcoholic, just like the rest of my family.
It has been said that fear is also a self-made prison that prevents you from becoming who you are meant to be. Who God intended for you to be. And the same goes for addiction.
Fear isolates us. Faith embraces us.
Much like fear, my addiction told me I was alone. Without protection.
But my faith has carried me. It carried me every lonely night in rehab. Faith embraces us.
Faith encourages growth. Fear hinders it.
Gratitude and reflection are weapons against fear. Give gratitude in ALL circumstances, not FOR all circumstances. Fear questions, “Why is this happening to me?” Faith asks, “What is moving in my life or what is God building here?”
Fear is strong. But faith is stronger.
I have to sometimes ask myself, “Am I in fear or am I in faith?”
Let me go back to that…Fear is strong but faith is stronger. Faith doesn’t strengthen without trials. Without navigating difficult circumstances. THAT’S precisely where the growth happens.
I like this quote by Philip Yancey – “I have learned that faith means trusting in advance what will only make sense in reverse.”
Some of the strongest, most humble, amazing people I know have gone through great suffering. Faith doesn’t strengthen without trials. I went through a lot of very dark times. Some that I can’t even allow myself to think about sometimes…but that’s the thing…fear whispers doubt to us.
But faith is the flame that eliminates fear. I found my way out of the dark, and I use that flame, that little light of mine to show someone else the way out…because I have already walked that path.
Fear sickens. Faith heals.
I was very sick when I went to treatment. I had stopped eating. I hadn’t seen a doctor in years for fear of what they might find or what my liver enzymes might be.
Let me stop for a second. I was an RN. A registered nurse…not an ignorant person, not in the intellectual sense. So, the shame and embarrassment I felt was extraordinary because I should know better. I knew what my lab results would tell a doctor. What the color of my skin and the yellowing of my eyes would say to a trained eye. I was too afraid to reveal any of that to anyone.
Fear keeps you sick. Faith can heal.
I have read that FEAR stands for: Forget Everything and Run. That’s the old Lindsey.
Fear of change. Of shame and ridicule. Fear of making amends. Fear of loneliness. Of failure. Failure of relapse or returning to old habits.
FEAR can also stand for: Face Everything and Rise. And that is where faith takes over.
That’s the redeemed Lindsey.
Faith is a gift. It is certain. Faith seeks understanding and clarity. Faith endures. It is steadfast.
Fear speaks in the language of man. Faith speaks in the language of God.
Last but not least, Fear can keep us up all night long. But faith makes one mighty fine pillow.
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