Last.Damn.Call

“Learning is a gift. Even when pain is your teacher.” Quote by Maya Watson

Think about your life. The present. The past. Your hopes for the future. People who you were lucky to have in your circle. Events and situations that greatly impacted you. I bet some common things come to mind such as people places and things–the joy of a newborn, the loss of a loved one, the relationships, the homes where you have lived, the jobs you have worked, the people you’ve met along the way. The ups and downs. Maybe your faith and how it has or hasn’t changed. Your outlook and perspective on what matters and what is worth worrying about and what to let go of.

Do you learn more when life is coasting along smoothly going according to whatever plan you have in mind? I know I have learned the best lessons in life from the toughest times in my life. I cannot speak for anyone else. That’s just how I see it.

When we found out Jilianne was going to be born premature and via c-section, do you know what my first words to my doctor were? I seriously said, “I haven’t read that part of the baby book! The part about preemies and c-sections because I didn’t plan on all that.” That is one of my first recollections, as an adult, of when I learned that things don’t always follow my well-thought-out plans. She is now 19 years old. We did indeed survive without having finished the damn baby book, shockingly.

*Side note: Prior to her birth, we did assemble her crib in the living room only to find out it would not fit through the door of her bedroom. Rookie-parent move. I only cried a little bit (hormones and all).

We also came home without a baby. Parents all over the world know this feeling. Some babies never make it home at all. We had to leave her in the NICU for less than a week, but it was one of the saddest times of my life. I was not supposed to visit my newborn in a hospital. That was never part of the plan. We had the best-case scenario of bringing home a baby who’d thrive and grow into a wonderful young woman. But it did feel like the end of the world for a very brief time, to be honest.

When we go through tough times, it feels personal. It just does. It feels like you are being punished. Pain isn’t enjoyable. Not physical, not emotional, not any kind of pain. We often say things like “no pain, no gain” when it comes to sports and things that require endurance…BUT isn’t that what life is like? Not to say life is a race. But it requires endurance. Stamina. Grace. Agility. Perseverance. Resilience.

Life can be painful. It can be. It can also be really, really good. And ultimately you decide what you focus on. Whether to throw in the towel when something bad happens and decide the world is full of hurt or to decide to learn something of value and help the next person. I often find that things I have gone through have introduced me to situations and people that I might not have been able to see before. Opening my eyes to a bigger picture. Something bigger than me and my existence. Being able to reach out to someone in need. Someone who may not be fully seen or understood by others who haven’t been through similar tough times.

Think about physical pain for a moment. Have you ever had a broken bone? A toothache? Chronic migraines or maybe a dreaded diagnosis? Without getting too serious here, let’s say you have been without the use of a hand or foot for a short period of time due to an injury. How many times did you think to yourself, “I never realized how much I actually do with my left hand?” Or “Oh my gosh, it’s summer. How am I going to mow or swim or walk the dog (or whatever) with this cast on my foot?” You just got a snippet, a tiny glance of what someone who is limb-different or utilizes a wheelchair for mode of transportation works with on a daily basis. You learned a super important lesson through pain. That’s empathy at its best!

Learning things like empathy and compassion and understanding is something you cannot learn in a textbook. It can be learned in a classroom but not by traditional teaching methods. It is learned by helping others and listening and just becoming a good person. Putting others first and being kind. Reminding your kid not to be a butthead to the stinky kid (sorry, but this is a thing, and you know it). Reminding yourself not to jump on the bandwagon and belittle a coworker or trash talk about other people’s lives just because you’re in the company of people who do. Maybe pick some new company? Or walk away. Pretend to be busy or whatever. Just a few suggestions.

Learning through pain means learning through experience. And some of those experiences are painful. I’d dare say the most valuable lessons are learned in the face of adversity. Times of struggle. Hardships. Loss. Even traumatic events. But you learn the lesson, sometimes slowly, sometimes immediately. Then you take that knowledge and use it for good. For helping others. By becoming slower to judge and quicker to forgive.

Pain can be the one of the best teachers if you are willing to learn the lesson, grow from it, and become a better human because of it.