Last.Damn.Call

Go ahead and make a little snide middle school comment to yourself. I know I just did. Yes, I said crack…move on now:)

If you think about a physical crack in something…a window, a vase, whatever comes to mind…we often think of it as broken or needing mended, right? I mean, if I leave my kitchen window open, a bug might fly in. If I have a jar of honey with a crack, some sticky goo might seep out. If I leave the door of my car cracked, all that fun southern Illinois pollen will end up all over the place.

What I am referring to are all those little cracks or “flaws” we humans have. Do “cracks” let things in or let things out? I guess it’s a bit of both. If we didn’t have spaces in places from something missing in our life such as love or faith, how do we have room to let more in? We say things like “Open your heart” to receiving or even giving love.

“We’re all broken in one way or another, but it’s through the cracks in our souls that the light comes through.” M.J. Rose

I open the curtains on sunny days to let the sunlight in. I open my eyes to take in my surroundings. If I keep those things closed all the time, I am going to miss out. Do I see things I don’t necessarily like sometimes? Sure. What is more important–keeping yourself closed off in order to “stay protected” or keeping yourself open to possibility and God’s ability to use you in some form? Maybe you aren’t a person of faith. I don’t judge. As always, I am happy to tell you my testimony–that’s when the timing is right and you want to have that conversation:)

Before my sister died, she asked me on multiple occasions how many times a day I cried. Yes, you read that right. How many times A DAY I cried. Of course, we laughed about it, and I decided I was the stronger one and she was some sort of basket case. I didn’t understand the power of crying. The release that follows. Now, I am not saying she was at what I would call a “healthy” level of tear shedding, but me thinking not crying EVER was doing me any favors was just dumb. I was swallowing my emotions, and they were choking me. They were festering in the pit of my stomach, making me feel increasingly more distant from God and from anything resembling normalcy. I wasn’t letting anything escape through those cracks-those feelings and experiences. I wasn’t good at letting go.

“There’s a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” Leonard Cohen

What I viewed as a flaw, a crack…by the simple act of crying and showing a very human emotion…was keeping me sick. I have said it before, and I will say it again. You cannot selectively numb. Numbing negative feelings numbs all the feelings. Both the good and the bad. And in retrospective, I can see that it’s not worth it.

You don’t have to throw a big old pity party for your sadness. But you still need to acknowledge that you feel a certain way. Then you move on to better things. If you don’t deal with fear or anxiety or whatever it is…it becomes a side kick. An unwanted lingerer. I always say no one likes a lingerer. That little side kick also serves as a distraction from the good things happening in your life. You cannot fully experience love and joy and all the great things your life has to offer if you have this nagging feeling of dread or self-loathing hanging about. Think about those little cartoon characters that have the rain cloud following them everywhere they go. That’s what we look like when we pretend to be ok but have things we haven’t dealt with following us around.

Those cracks in us, those little places where there is room, need to be used. And often. Letting things slip out through those cracks, so we can make room for some of the good things to flow in.

“Not every crack means something is breaking. Some cracks are where something finally finds a way out… the light gets in”.

You cannot really give love if you are not willing to receive it. And vice versa. We are all flawed, full of little cracks. Maybe those aren’t flaws at all. Maybe they are one of the very important ways that make us all very similar. That we are all imperfect. That we are all a little unsure. That we all get scared. The less we try to pretend to be perfect…it becomes easier to understand that we have more in common than we ever thought possible.

“We are all wonderful, beautiful wrecks. That’s what connects us–that we’re all broken, all beautifully imperfect.”