Last.Damn.Call

I am tired of people whining. Complaining. And doing absolutely nothing productive to change whatever the hell they are whining about.

Let me just start by stating the obvious. I am a recovering alcoholic. How did I get to that into that position? The whole being an alcoholic part, I mean. Was it a bad childhood? Abusive parents? Low self-esteem? Lack of church in my past? Poor living conditions as a youth? A family who taught me that I was undeserving of happiness? A sister who chose poor relationships over the well-being of her children? A mother who was sexually abused and became mentally unstable as an adult? A father who was an entitled shit and got bailed out of every shitty situation he ever found himself in? What a load of crap. I am sorry, but plenty of people survive WAY worse and don’t end up being an addict.

I spent years convincing myself I was a product of my parents. Poor, pitiful Lindsey and her sad childhood. No stability. No permanent home. My dad landed himself in the back of a cop car more times than I can count on my two hands and feet. My mother only had children to resent them. You can argue this with me all you want–but you didn’t live in the house that I often called home. That is, when she wasn’t going through some episode and I would come home to my things packed by the back door and told to find somewhere to stay that week (when I was 16 years old, that was her go-to bullshit).

Humans have experienced abuse of outrageous proportions. People have been prisoners of war in other countries, subjected to God knows what, for crying out loud. Children have lived in homes where shouting and hitting (and much worse) is the norm. Just another day in the life.

So, if the biggest thing you have to complain about is how Wal-Mart messed up your friggin’ pick-up order, I am seriously happy for you. Not being a smart ass. You got cut off in traffic today and have a quirky story to tell me about it, please do. I enjoy hearing people’s random ramblings. Because 99% of the time, people I associate with realize these are small things. Everyday things, and we all need that occasional rant and rave. And we can all relate to these minor inconveniences and even share a good laugh over them.

What I am talking about here is–no one taking accountability for the shit they have created with their own two hands. Their own mind, body, willingness, whatever. Every job I lost, every friend I became disconnected with, every promise I broke when I was actively drinking—you know who I can blame that on? Not my shitty parents. Not my person (my sister) who chose shitty assholes over me. Not my boss for firing me. Not my friends for saying they were done with watching me kill myself. I BLAME ME.

Why is that so hard for people to understand and accept in their own lives? You keep repeating the same shitty work ethic or attitude or interest in crappy friendships, relationships, food choices…whatever it is…and guess what, you will keep reaping and repeating the same miserable consequences. Blame your boss for being an asshole. Or get a new job. Blame your busy schedule on your less-than-ideal body weight. Or pick up walking or better food choices. Blame your friend for being unavailable. How about you find a new friggin’ friend?

Why is it so hard for us to state the obvious when it comes to ourselves? While we can easily look at other people’s lives and state what everyone else already knows?

I wasn’t drinking as a result of my shitty childhood. It was an easy excuse to use. And sometimes, people bought that excuse. Hell, sometimes I even bought it. And, you know what it fixed? Nothing. Admitting you have an actual problem is the first step in a lot of things–it was for me with alcohol. You know what I think is scary–the accountability after you admit a problem. That’s where the work begins.

If you admit to a friend that you have a spending problem, then you are giving them permission to possibly point out when you are spending recklessly. See how this is the beginning of a solution? It’s a scary ass step, but nothing changes without a little courage. If you tell someone you want to lose weight, and they start giving you healthy food choices when you suggest tacos and margaritas…you are being held accountable. It kinda sucks. I ain’t going to lie. But it also works, trust me. It works.

Swallowing that lump of pride a little…well, I did tell them I wanted to lose weight, so I really shouldn’t be mad when they are truly trying to help in the least intrusive way. Maybe that little nudge helps one good decision roll into another one and another.

Quit whining and complaining about shit you can actually do something about. Every time you get off the phone with so and so, you end up furious. Well, super genius, don’t even have a conversation with so and so. Problem solved. At least for the moment. You can’t necessarily do huge things like end world hunger or “fix stupid” as my granny would say, but you can hold yourself accountable for your own words and actions. Tell someone your intentions and then don’t get all worked up when they hold you to it. It’s called accountability.

Accountability at a glance:

1. Admit mistakes/problems, and don’t blame others.
2. No making excuses (old Lindsey=guilty, guilty, guilty)
3. Own up to whatever and take the actions you know in your heart you should. Be proactive not reactive.
4. Do what you say you will do.
5. Be honest–you screwed up? Just say so.
6. Talk to someone openly and accept feedback. Don’t ask for constructive criticism and feedback if you cannot handle it. (Also known as, make sure you got your big girl panties on.)
7. Learn from your damn mistakes. Or be drunk Lindsey and keep making the same mistakes and wishing it turned out differently. As my Granny would say, “Wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up faster.”
8. Accept you are human and that everything doesn’t always go perfectly. Just don’t use a screw up as an excuse to quit or as evidence as to why you suck at life and shouldn’t have tried changing anything in the first place. *This ends you right back in the place where you started, big ole ugly, stinky SQUARE ONE.

Being accountable is an easier path than constantly trying to manipulate the circumstances or people’s thinking into seeing things in a certain way. It isn’t necessarily the most popular path as I feel we are residing in an era of no one being held accountable for anything. I look back on the ways I tried to hold someone else accountable for something I was totally responsible for, and I looked really stupid to be quite honest. And if you think no one recognizes when you are playing the old, drunk Lindsey-unaccountability-card, you are wrong, I am sorry to say. So just be accountable, dammit!