Last.Damn.Call

Have any skeletons in your closet? I do. Not as many I used to. I want to help you mold all those bones into one BIG-ASS scary skeleton. Now, take a tiny bone. Maybe a pinky finger. Make your peace, confess a wrong, admit a fault, apologize to someone, ask for forgiveness. Give that bone a proper burial. Say all the things you need to say. Wish it well. Say a prayer. Lay it to rest. Don’t try to bury the whole damn thing at once. That’s too much. Too overwhelming. My name is Lindsey Cox, and I am a recovering alcoholic. Through my life experiences, exploration of trauma, a boat load of excuses for my past behaviors, and lots of research, I want to help you bury all those nasty bones that haunt you on a daily basis. Maybe on an hourly basis. The intention of this blog is to help you heal from whatever Boogeyman lurks in the darkest corners of your life. From your past. From your present. Haunts your dreams. We can be grave diggers together down a dark, murky path, where there is indeed light peeking through at the other end.

lindseymariecox2024@gmail.com

All Rainbows and Sunshine

Did you know when you get sober that your life magically becomes perfect? Nah, just kidding. Not even close. That’s a good one, though. But let me tell you a few things. I won’t pretend to speak for everyone, but I can tell you some things that I have experienced in the past 18 months of sobriety.

  1. Bad times suck less: A bad sober day beats the hell of out any day when you are drunk or hungover. A bad day now isn’t the end of the world. Bad days aren’t lingering. Good days are extra good because you aren’t waiting to ruin them by celebrating with getting drunk.
  2. Shit happens: Yes, even in sobriety, shit happens. And you can handle it with all your emotions and thoughts and actions in check. And with some grace. Flat tire? Well, that stinks, but guess what? I may actually have “extra” money to pay for the repair. (The thought of “extra” money was a running joke for most of us when we were in active addiction).
  3. People still die: Stay with me, here. I have experienced a lot of death in my life. Maybe more than most, maybe not. But I can tell you right now with 100% honesty that death and tragedy of any sort are a completely different story when you are sober. You learn to grieve and feel things that normal people feel. While losing someone hurts deeply, a substance makes that wound so much deeper. You never heal because you never truly feel the pain. You numb it. And that wound just stays infected, never even given the chance to heal.
  4. Life is unfair: Yes, it sure as shit can be. If you have “sober faith” and not that of a drunk, you learn to lean on God, not curse Him. You start to see unfairness as an opportunity to do better, try harder, show your resilience. You learn to see being treated unfairly differently. I often find myself actually feeling bad for the person who wronged me…sounds silly, I know. But I usually see it as a defect in them and not in me. Maybe that’s not necessarily a good way to view it, but if I look to find things wrong with me…I go down a rabbit hole of self-pity and negativity. And then, we all know how fast our own thoughts can consume us.
  5. You cannot control people, places, things, or situations: Yes, you can control where you go and what/who you surround yourself with, so let me just settle that dispute now. That means you can control YOU. And no one else. You just can’t, so don’t even try. And that’s ok. I HATE the phrase “stay in your lane” but that’s basically what this means. Handle your own stuff, and do what you know is right, and that’s about all you can do. Quit thinking you can control anything outside of little ole’ you. You can’t. Move on.
  6. Everything is not about you: Everything is not personal. Not an attack. You are not unique. As in, you have problems like anyone else. You put your pants on basically the same way as everyone else. You have thoughts and feelings and when you start to think everything is aimed at you…just know, it isn’t. Get over yourself. Drunks are notorious for thinking they are unique-as in-they are the worst or the best or the saddest or the most wronged or the greatest whatever. It simply isn’t true. Regardless of whether you think you are the best or the worst (drunk, mom, friend, worker, whatever)…you are not that special (in a good sense or a bad one).
  7. Positivity does not equal stupidity: Sigh. I have to admit that I got to a point where I thought people who “saw the glass half full” were morons. Really, I did. The whole rose colored glasses thing. What a bunch of crap. So, let me apologize. If I ever called you an idiot or rolled my eyes at you for being a friggin’ ray of sunshine when all I wanted to do was wallow in self-pity and drown my sorrows–I am truly sorry. While I do not think the whole world consists of rainbows and sunshine, I have found that at least allowing myself to think positively about less-than-ideal situations…it makes things better. It just does. Try it sometime and convince me I am wrong.
    • But let me give you an example: Let’s say I see someone in public that I don’t necessarily care to speak to (sorry, you people do exist and I am still a human). If I duck and hide and think to myself “please don’t let them see me…I would rather eat a turd sandwich than talk to this person…” What in the actual hell am I doing? I am making a non-existent situation bad. Fast. Lindsey, just say hi and keep walking. How friggin’ hard is that? They probably don’t want to talk to you either now that you are all sweaty and looking weird and sketched out.
    • Example 2: If I work myself into a frenzy over how I am going to afford an upcoming bill or expense of some sort, how does that help my thinking? I go into panic mode. Worst case scenario mode. Shit show mode. Sleep on it, Lindsey. Write down some ideas of how to make some money (legally, of course). Hell, did you pray about it? Hmmmm…that’s a free and easy solution that can be done…let me think…ANYWHERE AT ANYTIME. Stay positive. How in the hell does thinking negatively even remotely cross my mind as a solution?

Sobriety, as it turns out, isn’t all rainbows and sunshine. Neither is life. Why do we think it’s supposed to be? If it was, we wouldn’t know what to do when bad things happen. If it was, we wouldn’t appreciate the rainbows and sunshine because they’d be all too common. Take the good with the bad. Stay positive. Try not to lose your shit over small stuff. Appreciate love and kindness and laughter and all the things that make your heart smile. And take the things that don’t and power through. Don’t linger on things that aren’t worth lingering on. Nobody like a lingerer. Move on to better things. Better thoughts. And ultimately, you will have better days. Maybe, just maybe you’ll be more likely to spot those rainbows and sunshine moments.

Don’t forget to grab a copy (link below): WARNING: not filled with rainbows and sunshine;) but lots of love and honesty and humor.

LAST.DAMN.CALL.: M. Cox, Lindsey: 9798299331349: Amazon.com: Books

lindseymariecox2024
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