Last.Damn.Call

Sometimes I cannot recall where I heard certain things…whether it be at an AA meeting, sitting in church, in passing conversation…so forgive me if I do not always give credit where credit is due. I think this is a jumble of information from several sources to be quite honest.

*Attitudes and decisions based on incomplete understandings are significant problems (related to recovery). I put that in parentheses because it can be true in all facets of life if you really think about it.

What happens when you form an opinion on a person, place, thing, idea, or situation based solely on what you have heard from others? Take church for example. What if someone told you something like, “Well that church is for the rich. Everyone there drives nice cars and expects you to tithe entirely too much every Sunday?” Would you be less inclined to try it? Possibly. An incomplete understanding or lack of information, right?

If you owned or operated a company and the hiring manager told you they were going to hire a recovering heroin addict or someone who had been arrested several times, they probably wouldn’t be on the top of your “list of people to hire immediately” right? Rightfully so. But, what if that same person with the retired addiction and old arrest records had been sober for 20 years…? Changes your perspective, maybe? It would mine. Decisions based on limited information.

*Attitudes and decisions based on incomplete understandings are significant problems.

Are you a truth seeker or a quick to jump to conclusions kind of person? I have been both and still am both. I would like to say that I am a little slower to judge these days, but I am still human.

When I share with people that I am a recovering alcoholic…people who are not in recovery for any kind of addiction…I usually get a funny look. I have been told I don’t look like an alcoholic. I seem nice. Intelligent. Normal. I guess I will take that as a compliment. Because I know what I would picture as a recovering alcoholic prior to me becoming one. A dirty person. A stupid idiot. A poor person. Someone lacking morals. Not to be trusted. And while those things can be true, we all know the opposite can be true as well.

*Attitudes and decisions based on incomplete understandings are significant problems.

What is the definition of a truth seeker? A truth seeker is an individual driven by a deep, consistent desire to discover what is accurate and real, prioritizing objective evidence over personal bias or convenience. Characterized by curiosity and intellectual humility, they actively analyze information, question assumptions, and are willing to change their beliefs when confronted with new facts. 

Willing to change when confronted with new facts. Hmmmm. Well, people, in a nutshell, is that not what life consists of? Learning and unlearning ways. Willing to change doesn’t mean you have to actually change. It’s the WILLING part that makes the difference. The opposite of close minded. Your way or the highway, so to speak. Just a willingness. That’s all. Sometimes a tiny bit of will goes a long way.

The person who is willing to try going to church. Willing to try to understand an opposing point of view. Willing to budge a little. Willing to try something new. Willing to listen. Willing to open their heart and eyes and ears to something or someone new.

*Attitudes and decisions based on incomplete understandings are significant problems.

What is the first thing that comes to mind when someone meets you? Are you guarded? Friendly? Quiet? All those things say different things to different people. One of the best people I know, well, I was not overly impressed with when I first encountered her. When I first met her, I thought she was a snob. Stuck up. Pretty. Super quiet and shy. And I was wrong. From a single first impression…I hesitated in making a friend that didn’t seem to fit the mold I had in mind. Turns out, she is kind and hilarious and giving. A wonderful family person. A Christian. We bonded over being forced to eat lunch together one day and her asking me about some cooking tips and recipes. I would have missed out on a truly special friendship had we not given it a try.

Flip that coin. What did she see when she met me? I don’t know for sure. But if I had to guess, it would be someone who was older than her. Maybe seem to know more (or PRETEND to). Someone who was an alcoholic and trying her best to hide it. Someone who needed a friend. And thankfully, we are still friends to this day as are our kids. It would have been very easy over the years for her to discard me as a shitty friend, as I most definitely was. Unreliable. Full of excuses. A drunk. Scraping by on a daily basis. Exhausted. Not really the qualities we look for in a friend.

*Attitudes and decisions based on incomplete understandings are significant problems.

I pray. Often. I need some guidance on a real regular basis. If I pretend to understand things and do this life stuff on my own, I am in real trouble. Whether you pray or seek guidance from friends, family, teachers, counselors…whoever it may be…those help you understand the world with the help of others. On our own, our minds can let us think and conjure up things that are just plain wrong. Ask questions. Educate yourself. Read. Write your thoughts. Talk to others. All the things that can help our attitudes and decisions be based on real life situations and understandings. If we don’t do that, we continue to have significant problems in our everyday lives.

Link to my book if you feel so inclined:)

LAST.DAMN.CALL.: M. Cox, Lindsey: 9798299331349: Amazon.com: Books