Last.Damn.Call

Gross, right? What do I mean by this? When I became a nurse, I was often told how nurses eat their young. Meaning new nurses often get chewed up and spat out by more “seasoned” nurses. Oh boy.

Judith Meissner, RN, MSN coined the phrase “nurses eat their young” in a 1986 article to describe the hostility young nurses face at the hands of their more experienced coworkers.

Well, I thought of myself as a pretty self-confident person when I was in nursing school. I was in my mid 30s, had already been to college and graduated once, had some life experience including a family and several successful career choices. So, I really didn’t think the whole “nurses eating their young” nonsense applied to me. It was intended to warn all those fresh high school graduates and youngsters without life experience in their toolbox. But I was wrong. Really, really wrong.

One of the most popular things for nurses with some experience behind them to say to new nurses is something along the lines of…“Oh, is that how they are teaching it these days?” Followed by an eyeroll. Another classic is…“That’s in a book they make you read. This is how it happens in real life” as they go on to do something cringe worthy (in the eyes of a new nurse).

Let me say this before anyone feels angered or rubbed the wrong way…I get it, seasoned nurses. I DO. For me–It is like when a new mom thinks that if everything their baby comes in contact with wasn’t properly sterilized, their baby is doomed to contract some deadly, gut devouring, flesh eating virus. Or how a new driver suddenly thinks they know everything because they read the damn driver’s education book. I feel like these are all things we can relate to. Like…hello new moms…you are not the first, nor the last person to birth a person. And, hey kid, I have been driving for a minute. I have learned all the bad habits I need to make it from here to there, and I survived so far.

So why do we eat our young in general? Meaning, arguing or shaming someone for something that seems like a new idea or concept or approach? Let me be honest here. I roll my eyes when I hear the phrase “gentle parenting”. I do. And recently a coworker broke it down for me in a way that actually made sense. It’s not whispering sweet nothings to your child in hopes their tantrum stops. It isn’t asking if their poop feels like going for a ride in the toilet bowl today when potty training (Yes, I read that somewhere at some point when I was going to be the world’s best mom. I believe that was around the same time Crosby decided to poop behind the Christmas tree like a cat for a few weeks. Tis’ the season for proving I don’t know crap about potty training, I guess.)

I would go on to explain the gentle parenting thing better, but anyone who knows me couldn’t take me seriously, so I will just move on. It sounds like a good idea. Thank God I have teenagers who have known me long enough to know if I start being gentle about anything, they probably need to steer clear because I might spontaneously combust or check to see if my body has been invaded by beings from outer space.

So, aside from nurses eating their young by knowing more than them and not always being helpful about it…Ok, ok. Let me stop. I had a few nurses along the way who were truly, truly blessings. And I will not use their real names just for sake of…well, just because. People use things and twist things and whatever. Sooooo, first there is Nurse Hank (old school nurse, little rough around the edges, always took time to help and teach). Hank had a way of calling shit like it was. Like saying “Room 102 shit the bed, can you help me clean them up?” No need for the term BM or bowel movement for him. Let me add this, he was not mean or rude to patients and had a good bedside manner. He only said “shit” in the company of…hell, me, I guess. But he was a “call it like it is” guy who was old enough to be my dad or maybe even grandad. And he was direct and blunt and to the point and funny as hell without meaning to be.

Nurse Lee was from Japan, and she was tough and quick-witted, and took zero crap, and I adored her (and also feared her a tiny bit). Her English was not very good (which I only mention because she and I had several belly laughs about me not understanding her and vice versa–laughter like that is needed amongst nurses and usually comes at the best or worst times), but she always made time to teach me things. And how to NOT get ran over by patients or doctors or nurses or families or anyone else.

As a CNA (at the time) for Nurse Lee, I was supposed to clean a very obese patient–think bed bath. This man was fully capable of doing this himself but had requested a nurse bathe him. Yes. Whatever your mind is running wild with…whatever that may be…think how I felt. 5ft tall, about 120lbs (at the time) bathing a 6ft 6in, 500+lb man. With his family sitting around the room and not leaving when asked to. So basically, a weirdo peep show of sorts. I don’t know. It was not normal. Nurse Lee heard all of this transpire…the doctor ordering a bed bath, the family refusing to leave during said bed bath, the obvious signs that the man could bathe himself, and probably a look of terror on my face…and in the most pointed voice announced to the room, “No bed bath. That’s lazy. You people give him bed baths at home?! We don’t start that nonsense here. Lindsey, leave the things. Family can help if they want to bathe the man child.”

Bathe the man child. I will never forget those words.

And before you all call some friggin’ hotline and report abuse or some crap, let me be clear. This was not a disabled person. This was not a mentally challenged person. This family was the family. The family every nurse dreads. They live in the room and order sodas for everyone. Ask for extra blankets and pillows. They make beds on the floor and race wheelchairs down the hallway. They treat staff like they are staying at the fanciest hotel. And then they complain. Boy, do they complain. And then they eventually leave at some point and leave trash everywhere and the plastic bedside urinals full (although THEY CAN ALL WALK TO THE TOILET).

Bed bath man could walk and talk and feed himself. This was a family on vacation. The only thing wrong with bed bath man was that he was surrounded by people who allowed him to think this behavior was normal. To be completely helpless.

So why do nurses eat their young? Hell, I don’t know. Maybe they want to scare you off before it is too late. Maybe they want you to see how bad it can get because you need to know if you can handle it. Is it a test or are they trying to give you the answers? The things they have learned. How to not cry when a doctor yells at you for something that isn’t your fault (which will happen…it is not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when). How to not get attached to patients because patients die. Not just the old and the sick.

Being a nurse did not make me drink. It didn’t make me an alcoholic. The recipe was already put in place with my genetics and personality and such. I think nursing was just the ingredient that it was missing. In the worst possible way. Topping off a low burning fire with a big splash of fuel…

Coming Soon–Part 2 of Why Do We Eat Our Young?