Last.Damn.Call

“Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Don’t worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” I really struggled with this scripture from Matthew when I read it long ago. I thought, “Well, hell. That’s great. When today’s trouble ends, tomorrow’s can begin.” It’s all about perspective, folks.

Now, when I read that, I go straight to what I have learned in AA which is the whole “One Day at a Time” concept. We have all seen the memes and jokes about, “Of course, I can only do one day at a time…what am I supposed to do, skip Tuesday?” hardee har har. But seriously, that’s also another way to misinterpret this. And yes, smartass, Lindsey can skip whole weeks and months in her mind in anticipation of the “what ifs” in life. So, for me, I literally cannot skip ahead days (mentally) without expecting my brain to go all nutty cuckoo. It’s an ugly, non-productive spiral into the world of the maddening thoughts of trying to predict and control life. It never turns out well when I go down that path. EVER.

ODAAT has been absolutely critical in my sobriety. Sometimes, it is more like one hour or minute at a time. And that’s ok. We all get in such a big damn hurry that we forget that some things take time and patience. Most things, actually. We live in a world of wanting things to happen and happen immediately (if not sooner). God’s timing is the correct timing. No matter what you tell yourself…think about that. We sometimes pray for the wrong things or at the wrong times in our life. We think those prayers are unanswered when in reality, the timing is right when…well, when it is right. And I bet if you think back on events in your life, you can see some truth in that.

In early sobriety, we are taught to literally stay sober for one minute, then the next. Then maybe you move onto an hour at a time. It’s easier for some than others, I suppose. For me (almost 16 months sober), I still wake up and thank God for another day sober. I do. And before bed, I do the same. Every recovering alcoholic or addict has their own routine or whatever you want to call it. And hell, whatever works, do that by all means.

I use ODAAT in my life literally every day. It could be anything. Maybe it’s a doctor’s appointment or a meeting I would rather not attend…do this thing and move on to the next. It makes the “thing” way less daunting. Just get through this thing and keep pushing forward.

When reading the whole “tomorrow has worries of its own” scripture or verse, I can see now that I was reading it through Lindsey’s negative lenses. Of course, every day has its own damn troubles! Some days, it’s having to put gas in my car when it’s freezing balls outside. Other days, it is finding out someone I care about was in a car accident. Perspective. Both are worries…it doesn’t mean every day has some ball-busting, ass-kicking troubles to handle. Some are minor inconveniences while others are more hurtful or difficult to manage. But, duh, of course every single day has its own challenges. You take the easy ones and be grateful they are just that–easy troubles…grateful you have enough damn money in the bank to put gas in your car in the cold of winter. You take the difficult situations and be grateful you have a God or a Higher Power or even your sobriety or your sanity to handle such a situation.

I am glad there are so many people I know and love who do not struggle with addiction. I would not wish that on my worst enemy. But everyone I know and love DOES face trials and tribulations and can use the ODAAT (sometimes minute by minute or hour by hour) to get through tough times. It’s kinda like the “This too shall pass” saying we are all familiar with. It will pass. It does. Maybe not in the way you expected or planned, but all things pass. And if you can find a way to trust that it will all work out the way it is intended to, then you actually take some of the burden off your mind and soul.

I would hate to think I am in control of…well, pretty much anything. I have faith. I have a trust in a power higher than myself. And when I start down the path of insanity that is thinking I am in control of too many things (which I know damn well I am not in control of)…I have to stop and breathe. And take it moment by moment. Pray. Meditate. But let it go. Hand it off in the best way I know how. And remember to take things One Day at a Time (second, minute, hour, whatever the hell you need to do to keep yourself in check).

The serenity prayer (in case you need a reminder;) goes like this:

“God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen.”