Last.Damn.Call

I tried to find the perfect quote or bible verse to honor my mother-in-law on her birthday. The above photo was the closest thing I could find.

My own mother died when I was 18 years old. To say we were not close would be a huge understatement. My mother battled mental illness, alcoholism, and lots of trauma from her past including being married to my abusive father. No fairy tale there, folks. I was not crushed when my mother passed, and that is something I have stood by for over 25 years now. Call me cruel. Call me heartless. Or go back in time and call on a teenage Lindsey, terrified of both of her parents. This isn’t a payback story or a hate filled rant, but it is an honest look at where I came from and where I reside now.

I have known my mother-in-law for over 20 years now. Longer than I knew my own mother. Again, this is not an attempt to tarnish the memory of my own mother or hurt anyone who still holds her near to their hearts. This is me expressing gratitude for being given a second chance at having a mother.

Not everyone loves their mother-in-law. I am sure that is no major secret. And I get it. They are not your mother, and they do not say and do things the way you were raised. Fair enough. But thank God, that is the case in the world of Lindsey. To not have things done and said in the way I was raised. I can say whole-heartedly that my life has been blessed beyond measure by having loving in-laws.

As we celebrate Leslie’s (my mother-in-law) birthday today, I want to list a few simple things (that I consider HUGE things) I have learned by watching her over the years.

*Full disclosure, I borrowed bits and pieces of this list from the good ole internet and tweaked it…I was afraid I would leave something important out. I think I just about covered it all…

• Empathy and Compassion: Genuinely kind people show empathy towards others, even when they cannot fully relate to their experiences. They validate feelings and offer support without judgment, demonstrating a  deeper understanding of human emotions.
• Selfless Actions: True kindness is characterized by selfless behavior. Kind people help others without expecting recognition or rewards. They perform acts of kindness simply because they truly care about the well-being of others. 
• Consistency in Kindness: A hallmark of genuine kindness is consistency.  Kind individuals behave kindly not just when others are watching but also inprivate situations. Their kindness is ingrained in their character and does notdepend on external validation. 
• Generosity of Time and Resources: Genuinely kind people are willing to give their time, resources, and talents to help others. They actively seek opportunities to contribute positively to their communities and support those in need. 
• Respectfulness: Kind individuals treat everyone with respect, regardless of their background or beliefs. They listen actively and are open to learning from others, fostering an environment of mutual respect. 
• Responsiveness to Needs: Genuinely kind people are attentive to the needs and concerns of others. They actively listen and respond to those needs, demonstrating their commitment to helping others improve their situations. 
• Non-Performative Kindness: Unlike those who may act kindly for social approval, genuinely kind people do not seek the spotlight. Their kindness is not performative; it is a natural extension of their character. 
• Willingness to Help: They offer help without any expectations of reciprocation. Whether it’s assisting a friend in need or volunteering for a cause, their actions stem from a genuine desire to make a difference. 

If you know my mother-in-law, you can easily read each bullet point and think, “Yep. Check. Check. Double check….” I do not know how she makes it look so effortless. So easy. To be kind and forgiving and see the world the way she does. I do know it has a lot to do with faith. The Cox family has most certainly taught me the importance of your relationship with God.

I really make a good faith effort to follow some of her “kindness guidelines” in my own life. Now, I do get caught saying four-letter words at times and referring to people as morons. That will probably never change. I mean, sometimes four-letter words and calling it like I see it can be a therapy of sorts. I can always hear Leslie saying, “Now…Lindsey…” when I do so, but that’s ok. Everyone needs that little angel voice on one shoulder while Lindsey’s clever and sometimes hilarious devil voice is on the other shoulder. It’s all about balance, folks.

Happiest of brithdays to my dear mother-in-law! We are all so very blessed to have you in our lives!