Last.Damn.Call

My friend, Jim, once used the phrase “God wink” and it’s one of my new favorites! I have no clue how often he uses this phrase, but it was in relation to someone he knew contacting him as a reference for me on a job I was eagerly hoping to get. He called it a “God wink” as he had known the person for some time and was able to speak candidly and openly about me. I have no idea what that conversation consisted of, but Jim and I had met and discussed my troubles with alcohol and my rehabilitation/sobriety journey.

A little back story…when I left Gateway (rehab), I immediately got a job that required a background check and drug screen. Check and check. No problems there. Never had a criminal record and was of clean and sober mind. However, I was let go from that position before my first month was up related to some “discrepancies from my past.” In other words, someone told someone that I had been to rehab, blah blah blah. I wasn’t to be trusted to be around children. OUCH! At almost 2 months sober, I was crushed. I cried and wanted to shout from the rooftops how unfair this was. How undeserving it was. How I felt like I was being punished for making things right. But I didn’t. I started working as a waitress (at 44 years old, sigh) until I could figure some things out.

Enter a research position with Southern Illinois University, Carbondale (SIUC). Getting hired on at a university is no cake walk. So many hoops to jump through and several people (higher ups) needing to approve of the person and their fit for the position. To say I was convinced I had wrecked my chances of getting this position would be an understatement. Still reeling from being let go of a position without any way of defending myself or giving an explanation of how I was changing, I had written a cover letter and resume that I was sure would get my applicant file tossed to the side (or in the circular file…aka trash can). In a nutshell, my cover letter read “My name is Lindsey Cox, and I am a recovering alcoholic.” In my brain, I was like “HA! It’s out there now…front and center. No coming back and biting me in the butt.” Then, I waited, convinced I had overplayed my hand and would never hear from SIUC.

I did get the job. I have been there since May, and while it has it challenges, I work with kind, smart, funny people and do not dread the drive to Carbondale every day. God wink. Here ya go, Lindsey. Something better. Somewhere pleasant. Somewhere less judgmental.

I signed up to give the sermon at my church this Sunday, and my brain has been on overdrive trying to figure out what to talk about. Recovery, helping others, seeking guidance, or maybe One Day at a Time. AA taught me this vital tool, and it’s right there in the Bible. Just worrying about today because tomorrow has enough worry of its own. One Day at a Time. I decided to nap (this is my go-to when my brain is on overload) and woke up to another God Wink.

A letter from my roommate at Gateway arrived today. Without telling too much of her story, she had outstanding warrants prior to entering rehab. So, she has had to jump through a very different set of hoops…serving jail time in two different states over several months. Her letter today told me that she has remained positive and upbeat despite her circumstances and giving thanks to God. She said I taught her that along with the church that visited us in Gateway. Her exact words read, “I give credit for my sobriety by you getting me interested in the church and the whole higher power thing and the church (Redeemer) that came to Gateway. The whole idea of actively going to church and believing things could be different came from those two things alone. And I will forever be grateful to you both! Things have never been better, and I am literally writing this from a bunk in jail, so you know it’s true!!”

I am not a crier. I dislike crying. I cried. She went on to say how she will have full custody of her kids when she gets out, warrants will be gone, her family is speaking to her again, she has a love of church, and she is finally realizing she is worthy of love and another chance at life. Enter the ugly cry. God Wink.

So, I have a better grasp on what my message will be tomorrow thanks to a God Wink in the form of a letter from a recovering addict writing to me from a jail cell. Make sure to stop and recognize those God winks when they come your way. Sometimes they are subtle and easy to miss. Sometimes they arrive in the form of an envelope labeled: mailed from an “incarcerated person”.