Last.Damn.Call

There is so much madness going on around us. Watching the news is depressing. It causes seemingly rational people to react in irrational ways. This is nothing new–people hating others related to politics, views, opinions, religion, whatever. Just be nice. It’s really that simple.

I cannot solve anyone’s problems for them. I cannot even solve my own sometimes. And sometimes, what I may view as a “problem” is also just my opinion. I am entitled to think what I want, but I can also just be nice. It is ok to let people be people and mind my own damn business.

I don’t understand how we can hate people so much when we are just as human as they are. Let me tell you some basic things about me:

I am a woman. I am a mother. I am a wife. I am a sister. I am a daughter. I am a Christian. I am an alcoholic. A recovering alcoholic, but still an alcoholic, nonetheless.

Why should I care what your view is on gender, sexuality, relationships, etc.? Why should I care what you watch on television or what you read? Why should I care what you believe or don’t believe? Why should I care what your political views consist of? Just be nice.

Someone recently said to me, “Addicts lie. That’s what they do.” And you know how I reacted? I agreed. I didn’t get mad and stomp my feet and explain how people can change and how I like to think I am proof of that. I listened. I agreed. I then told that person I was an alcoholic. Silence followed. Before they could start down the whole “I didn’t mean you, and obviously you’ve bettered yourself and learned…and yada yada yada” I stopped them.

I said, “You are right, addicts and alcoholics lie. You are absolutely right.” Then, I explained how people do learn and change, but they were not wrong in their belief. Addicts lie. So do a lot of other people.

People are human. Don’t like the way someone dresses or how they may not behave in ways according to whatever our beliefs are…they are human. No one is asking you to invite them to dinner or believe what they believe. Be nice.

I do not know why we feel so compelled to shout our beliefs from the rooftops and picket and riot and fight and scream. It doesn’t solve anything. Have your beliefs-stand up for what you believe. But be nice.

And my definition of “being nice” may differ from yours. Sometimes minding my own business is being nice. Sometimes not speaking my opinion is being nice. Sometimes walking away from a conversation is being nice. Sometimes it’s easier to be nice. Think about that for a minute.

How hard is it for you to simply say, “We don’t agree, so let’s move on.” Is it worth an argument, a heated debate, hateful words, possibly even lost relationships or respect? Just be nice.

Sometimes, I have to grit my teeth and literally bite my tongue, but I would rather do that then lose a friendship or damage a relationship simply because our opinions differ. Is it worth it? To prove a point? To be right? Just be nice.

Recovery has taught me to be a little more patient. A little less quick to judge. A little quieter. A lot calmer. It has taught me to let go. Sometimes letting go is easier than it seems. At first, it can seem intimidating. A little self-defeating. Waving the flag of surrender. But I have found that sometimes, just sometimes letting go is the best thing I can do.

When I see all the madness, I wonder what is going home in our own homes. Personally, I have plenty to manage with work, family, bills, household stuff…just life in general. I don’t feel like I can go around fighting and judging and shouting what is wrong with the world and all the people in it when my own personal world needs my attention.

Just be nice. There are enough people out there that are worrying about what everyone else is doing and why those other people need “fixing”. For me, I try to remember what is important and closest to me which is my own personal bubble. That isn’t to say we shouldn’t reach out to others and be helpful. But if we are only adding hate and anger, maybe we should focus on what we hold closest to our own hearts and homes first.