Last.Damn.Call

I don’t complain as much as I once did. Take my word for it or just ask my husband. Let me say this first, I never, ever want to become arrogant in my sobriety. Meaning, I never want to think I have this all figured out. I never want to think a relapse isn’t possible. We all know it can happen because it does happen. But I pray that I have learned enough along the way to know how to handle such a situation where drinking might pop into my brain (let’s be honest–death of a close loved one is always a huge fear). But I hope if and (when–like 50 years from now:) that does happen, I am prepared. Remembering why I cannot go back to the way things were. Keeping my wits about me.

Taking things one day at a time. Not getting too overwhelmed. And I only use death of a loved one as an example because I feel like it is something real that everyone can relate to. If I were to say a loss of a job or friendship or falling ill…those all mean different things to different people. I feel like losing someone to death is a solid, universal hurt that most people can understand.

I got a little peeved at one of the recovery websites (on social media) I usually like to visit. It has a lot of little blurbs and sayings about recovery and positivity and whatnot. A cheer team for sobriety if you will. But I started to notice some things that I didn’t like. The main thing being how people are constantly stating they lasted “x amount of days and then got sad or mad or whatever and started drinking again.” And, as usual, this is a “me” problem. The same 5 or 6 people constantly posting this shouldn’t bother me. I can easily unjoin or unfollow the group.

Below is what I posted:

No ONE person, thing, website, social media outlet, etc., is going to get and keep you sober. It happens when You decide you are powerless and get some help. Afraid of losing your family? Chances are they have already lost you. Get YOU back for them. Fear of a job loss? If you are truly an alcoholic, that is probably coming at some point–be the one to choose life over whatever current employment you are fearful of losing. There are always other jobs. Fear of isolation or judgment? Chances are those things are already happening in your life whether you admit it or not.

A cry for help and guidance on these sites is a right step in the right direction, but it can also be triggering for others struggling. They feel the need to try to save you when they cannot even save themselves. And, last but not least, threatening to drink because you are bored or lonely is just ridiculous. We have all been there. Boredom and loneliness are not the worst things that can happen. Would you rather be bored or dead? Or lonely at home or lonely in prison for another DUI?

Alcohol almost killed my husband, and I was not far behind him. So, that fear of leaving family, job, etc. for treatment was just another excuse for us. We were full of excuses–I know them all. But, without treatment and AA, we would both be dead, and then where would we and our kids be? (This was the end of my post)

I received quite a few negative comments and wasn’t sure how I felt. Then I realized I was seeking some sort of validation or support from people I don’t know and will probably never meet. And that is a mistake on my part. Why should I even care what a bunch of people I don’t even know think about something I said? Well, to be honest, I was simply trying to be helpful. And maybe it came across harshly or was poorly worded? I never want to do unnecessary harm to anyone.

So, in the continuous journey, I still have to be mindful of my words and how they might come across. That does not mean I will not continue to try to be helpful and open and honest, but being mindful is something I need to continuously keep in mind, so to speak:)